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I’m very definitely a woman and I enjoy it. ~Marilyn Monroe
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| Sexism alive and kicking |
| 07.25.04 (10:45 am) [edit] |
[i][b]I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. ~Rebecca West[/b][/i]
Just when I am feeling good about the world I have brought my girls into, something happens to throw me head first into the ugly reality of a male dominated world. This morning my love was going through some of his work stuff. He has to do some reviews for some of his employees. Since this is the first time he has to do this, he was going through the handbook for some pointers and came across a "Sample Review". He read to me the sample review, the job title on the review was "housewife". Then it listed the duties of a housewife as: cooking, cleaning, organizing, etc., the specific qualifications were: Cooking: at least two meals a day using the food pyramid as a guide to wholesome quality meals. Cleaning: including, but not limited to vacuuming, mopping, and waxing floors, washing, drying, folding and putting away laundry. The review went on and on. It was pathetic. This is in the handbook of an internationally owned manufacturing company. They employ engineers, and sales people, and assembly line workers. So I have a couple questions:
1) Where is it appropriate to have a sample review for housewives?
2) Why isn't the sample review geared towards the actual jobs of the employees of the company?
3) If they wanted to use a completely unrelated occupation for a sample, why notuse a bus driver, or a teacher, or an astronaut, or student, or any number of other jobs?
4) How have these people not been sued?
and last:
5) Am I being too sensitive to this?
Maybe, but it is just a little too sexist for me. Maybe because I have seen first hand how little respect women are given in the work place, especially one dominated by men. But, I (naively) thought that we were getting past the age of stereo-typical gender roles in society.
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| Playing Hooky |
| 07.23.04 (8:59 am) [edit] |
[i][b]Dance as though no one is watching you, love as though you have never been hurt before, sing as though no one can hear you, live as though heaven is on earth. ~Souza[/b][/i]
I decided not to go into work today. My youngest daughter (the Princess) is with her cousin and grandmother all day, so I have decided to stay home and spend the entire day with my oldest daughter (the Angel). The Angel has had a bittersweet summer break. She finally came to find herself; she knows what she wants and what she likes and she has learned to live with the fact that while she is not perfect, she also knows that nobody is perfect. Since this discovery, she has been very pleasant to be around :lol: However, she has also learned that her peers do not particularly care for this new sense of self. So, they have basically done what most angst ridden teen age girls do when somebody decides to become an individual, they have distanced themselves from her. While she puts on a brave face, I know that she is hurting and conflicted. While it is a wonderful thing to free yourself of the burdens of conformity, it is also very painful to realize that your friends may not be the friends you thought would stick by you no matter what. So, I have decided to take her downtown for the day. Downtown Denver is our favorite place to hang out. There is a bookstore that we absolutely love. 4 floors of pure imagination. The last time we were there, we took my Love and the Princess. They were into it for about an hour, but after 4 hours they were so disgusted with us that they said they would not go back there with us:) So, I thought we would go there for a while, maybe pick up a few books (actually there is no maybe about it, the problem will be narrowing it down to a few :lol: ) Then I thought we could stop at our favorite metaphysical store. This one is in downtown Littleton. Another favorite place of ours. It is the total opposite of downtown Denver. Where Denver is constant hustle and big city commotion, Littleton is lazy strolling, and old fashioned window shopping. Then I thought we would come home, get my Love and the Princess and head out for dinner and a movie. The fun part about the whole day is that I have all these visions of how it is going to be the perfect day, but it can change in an instant. When me and the Angel are alone together, sponteneity takes over and sends us in a completely different direction. So to paraphrase a favorite movie line; "Buckle up, it's going to be a bumpy ride"!
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| Almost sane again |
| 07.19.04 (9:49 am) [edit] |
[i][b]I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
~Hunter S. Thompson[/b][/i]
I am slowly coming out of the fog of darkness that has enveloped me for the last few days. I am no longer agitated, mostly just weepy. And not all the time, just when I stop and think about it. There are a few silver linings to this recent dark cloud.
1) It has been almost 3 months since my last depression
~this almost sounds like a Catholic confession [i]'bless me father for I have cried. It has been three months since my last depression'.[/i] :lol: This may actually be a record for me. I think the longest I have gone in the past was 5 weeks.
2) I did not confine myself to bed for any length of time other than to sleep at night.
~this is a big deal, as usally I will crawl in bed and be unable to get out for at least 2 days.
3) I did not wish to die
~as morbid as this sounds, I usually fantasize about dying when I am depressed. Not suicide really, just death. [i]What if I fell asleep while driving and ran off the road and rolled the car down an embankment, how long would it take me to die?[/i] That sort of thing.
4)I did not hurt myself.
~this sounds worse than it really is. When I am depressed, the pain inside of me is so overwhelming at times that the only logical thing to do is to have physical pain to match the emotional pain. In the past I have "accidentally" shut the door on my foot or finger, stub my toe, pinch myself very hard. I have to admit that I have fantasized about really cutting myself, or falling down the stairs or what not, but as with the death thing above, I would never really do it.
5) I was actually able to maintain contact with other human beings during this time
~this is huge. Normally I stay as far away from other humans as possible. This time though, I not only stayed out of bed, but I was able to leave the house.
6) I maintained my sense of humor.
~I was still able to smile, even laugh at times.
As small as these things seem to outsiders, they are unbelievably huge to me. 7 years ago, a step forward was getting out of bed, showering and getting dressed. Now, not only can I talk about it, I can laugh about it and count my blessings to boot :) I know I will never be "normal", actually, I don't think I really want to be. And honestly, is anyone truly "normal"? We all have our crosses to bear. I am just lucky that my cross makes me the passionate, loving, caring, intuitive, creative, sympathetic goddess that I am today. :D
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| Poetry for the cursed |
| 07.19.04 (6:02 am) [edit] |
[i][b][u]Vicious Cycle[/u]
There is a feeling of euphoria
I am flying
I can do anything
I cook, clean, paint, write
I am still flying
Higher
Higher
Higher
I am so high I can’t breath
I gasp for air
Up too high
Agitated, frustrated, reeling
I begin to dive
Falling
Falling
Falling
There is a feeling of desperation
I am falling
I can do nothing
I cry, scream, sob, weep
I am still falling
Lower
Lower
Lower
I am so low I can’t breath
I gasp for air
Down too low
I am agitated, frustrated, reeling
I begin to soar
Higher
Higher
Higher
There is a feeling of euphoria…[/b] [/i]
~jenn
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| A touch of madness |
| 07.16.04 (9:09 am) [edit] |
[i][b]What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.---Jewish proverb [/b][/i]
I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder 7 years ago. I was on meds for 4 years but I began to hate the numb feeling. I am a very passionate person, and not to feel was so much worse than feeling bad, so I went off the meds. I don't cycle as much as I used to. It used to be several highs and lows a week. Then I would hit a low so low I didn't think I would come out of it. Those lows lasted a good 2-4 weeks. In the last three years, my estrogen has been strictly regulated, and I believe that has helped tremendously with my moods. However, I still need to remember that I am bi-polar and that my moods do vary greatly. Now, my cycles are reversed; I feel great for 2-3 months and then I crash for a few days. What amazes me, is that every time I crash, I am surprised by it. Like I was thinking that it would never happen again. Which is absolutely ridiculous since this has been going on since I was 12. Anyway, every thing in my life is going good right now. Both girls are happy and getting along. My love is happy and doing good, I am happy. But, I want to cry. I want to crawl into bed, pull the covers up over my head and sob like there is now tomorrow. I also want to yell at everyone who tries to talk to me. I want to throw things and stomp around like a 2 year old and scream at the top of my lungs "leave me the hell alone." But, like I said, my urge is to go to bed and cry. Not just that, but I want my love to wrap his arms around me and hold me and let me know everything is going to be ok. But you know what the kicker is? When I lie in bed crying and he comes up to me to hug me and reassure me that this will pass, I don't take comfort in it like I want to. No, I cry harder, tell him to get the fuck away from me and let me die. The fact that he has been with me for 18 years and understands the bi-polar better than I do, does not lessen the hurt I can inflict. And the fact that I can be so mean tears me up inside, but I can't stop it. It's as if the madness takes over every aspect of my life. I lose my compassion, my logic, my mind. My only hope is that those who love me stay by me to remind me that this is not the real me. This is just some sort of sick cosmic joke that the fates have played on me. Like they said, let's give her the compassion and empathy for others pain and suffering so that she can know how to help. Let's give her a great sense of humor so that she can lighten even the most tense moments, let's give her optimism so that she can see the good in everyone and every thing around her. Oh, and just for shits and giggles let's give her a touch of madness so that she ruin all of the good she has done in one psychotic depression filled tyrade on humanity.
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| My money and my daughter go to |
| 07.13.04 (1:44 pm) [edit] |
[i][b]I figure if the kids are alive when I get home, then I've done my job. ~Roseanne[/b][/i]
My daughter has been talking about going to college for a few months now. This is quite a change from the little 6 year old who would burst into tears at the mention of the word college. (I think this was due to the fact that for the first 5 years of her life, I lived with my parents in town, while my love was away at college 80 miles away). So, she has been talking about college and what she wants to do with her life. [i]Holy shit, my 16 year old seems to have a life plan and I still don't know what [i]I [/i]want to be when I grow up,[/i] but that's another blog. She loves writing and movies, so she wants to go into journalism or screen play writing or something to that effect. We went through all of this last spring when she was registering for her junior year. Any way, she came to my love and I and said "I have decided what college I want to go to." My love, being the wonderful, yet naive, dad that he is says, "That's great. I'm glad to see you are staying focused on your education" (doesn't he sound so grown up? :lol: Then he proceeds to tell her, "As long as you continue to bring home A's, you can go anywhere you want. We'll take care of it." [i]We'll take care of it? Has he forgotten that he told her last year we would buy her a car if she brought home straight A's? Incedentally, a third car has been sitting in our driveway since she brought home a 4.0 GPA last semester.[/i] "That's awesome she says. I have decided I want to go to NYU. They have the best film studies in the country...blah, blah, yadda, yadda...." I have no idea what to say. And as I look at my love I can see the dollar signs adding up in his head. Let's see at least 4 years tuition, room and board, books, fees, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.......
I compose myself enough to say, "Um sweetie, you really shouldn't bank on just one school, you should have a back up or two. I don't think the one you have chosen is easy to get into. " Her reply? "I'm a step ahead of you Mom. My back up school is Stanford." WTF!! Stanford is her back up?????
Needless to say, I have been thinking this over for a week now. And my love and I are going to do everything we can to help her get ahead in life. And if that means selling everything we own and moving her to New York, well then, I guess we can drug her, put her in the car and drive around for a few days, and then when we pull up to Colorado State we can say "Wow, can you believe how much New York looks like Colorado?"
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| Loving and Loathing |
| 07.08.04 (10:09 am) [edit] |
[i][b]...I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.~Clementine (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)[/b][/i]
Things I love:
~My love~ I have been in love with the same man for almost 18 years. luckily he feels the same so I do not have to stalk him, kidnap him and keep him in my basement to make him love me :lol:
~My girls~they are exact copies of me at times (therapy may help them cope with this in the future) and exact opposites of me at times (therapy may help me learn to deal with this) :lol:
~My cat~ he is so in tune to my emotions that i think we may have crossed paths in another lifetime
~My family~parents are ex-hippies who taught me to never back down for what i believe in and to always question authority. my sisters are the biggest pains in the ass who ever walked this earth but would walk through fire to help family
~Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind~I saw so much of myself in Clementine it scared the hell out of me, but at the same time I was wishing I could be her
~The Princess Bride~the best movie from the 80's hands down
~Singin' in the Rain~my all time favorite movie ever
~Tallulah Bankhead~I have never seen any of her movies, but her outlook on life is the best, she was the original feminist in hollywood.
~Johnny Depp~yummy
~Peter Forsberg~When he joined the Colorado Avalanche I had an instant crush on him because he looked like my love, who knew he could play hockey too?
~Harry Potter~I love these books and the movies they are just too fun
~Rain~I love when it rains, it is so calming
~The Moon~I could never explain it, but I have always been fascinated with the moon and night sky
~Goddesses~I love the stories and legends about them especially the moon, night and creation goddesses
~Being barefoot~it's the best
~Pedicures~well because of the whole barefoot thing, if I didn't give myself pedicures my feet would look like the guys in Dumb & Dumber when they are getting ready for their night on the town
~Flowers & Herbs~I love the fragrances of fresh flowers and herbs (lilac, lavendar, jasmine & lily esp.)
~The Beatles~need I say more?
~Matchbox 20~love Rob Thomas and his lyrics
~Alt Rock~how can you not bounce around to the Offspring, Blink 182, and all the other fun bands
~Ben & Jerry's Pistachio Pistachio ice cream~simply the best
~New York style Pizza~cheese only
~Red Wine~ it's the Italian in me
~Grey Goose Vodka~ especially in cosmos, or in a dirty martini, or chilled with a twist of lemon, or.....
Things I loathe:
~People telling me what to think~c'mon, let's just agree to disagree and go on with our lives
~Negativity~why waste your energy being negative? it's so much easier to laugh than to find things to whine about
~Shoes~I hate shoes, they are too constricting
~Mispronunciation of common words~i just can't concentrate when someone is talking to me and they are pronouncing 'similar' as 'simular'
~Misuse of common words~i cannot respect the president of a company if he writes in a memo 'don't forget to tell the customer wear the warehouse is'
~Bras~what misogynistic bastard invented this blantant form of torture?
I think that's it, the short version anyway. Now, since I have been at work for almost 4 hours and have done nothing but surf the net, I think maybe I should try to get something done. :lol:
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| At that moment we were infinite |
| 07.06.04 (2:07 pm) [edit] |
[b][i]Reality is but an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. ~Albert Einstein[/i][/b]
My reality this weekend was tremendous! :D My love threw me a wonderful birthday party. But then again, a bottle of wine and 4 cosmos later, anything can seem wonderful :wink: Anyway, we had a great time, my family was there, and both my sisters and I got along very well. I think we may be maturing :shock: My love's parents were there, and actually stayed longer than 45 minutes. I guess the trick is to give them some wine to loosen them up, they were very sociable after that. And a few good friends showed up. Most of my gifts had to do with alcohol :lol: My parents gave me a cool bottle of merlot, the brand name was Luna di Luna and it was a purple bottle. How cool is that? Then my youngest sis gave me a handpainted wine glass that I gather is supposed to be for decoration, but I used it anyway. I love stuff like that. My other sis gave me a very handy dandy wine corker (is that even a word?) Anyway it is like a vacuum and just sucks the cork out. My inlaws gave me the ever popular cash gift. My sis-in-law (the one I really like) gave me a cool egg. It sounds wierd, but I collect eggs (my goal is to get an antique Faberge) and she gave me one that is a music box and plays one of my favorite songs, 'Here Comes the Sun' by the Beatles. And my love and girls got me a rockin' new car stereo. We drank and played poker all night. Then we had to get up and go to my in laws for a b-b-q on Saturday. That was a little difficult. I had promised myself I would not drink all day. That proved rather difficult though, as the b-b-q was to welcome my love's aunt and cousins who are staying here for 10 days on vacation. My love's family is a little intense at times, and a bit hard to handle. Luckily, my dad-in-law had 3 bottles of my favorite red wine. After the first bottle, it was almost easy to take all of the tension and snide remarks:lol: Then Suday, we took a drive to the mountains to stay in a condo for the rest of the weekend. We didn't really do too much, mainly just relaxed. The weather wasn't that great, on and off rain, but it was nice to just hang out with my love and girls, and they really enjoyed it too. We sat by the lake and watched fireworks Sunday night, it was cold and the fireworks were kind of lame, but it just somehow seemed perfect. My 16 year old shares my love for the night sky and rain. Right before the fireworks started she looked at me and smiled. Then she said, "right this second, don't you just feel infinite?" then she lay back on the ground and watched the sky. And that sums up the whole weekend, we were infinite.
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| Eat, drink and enjoy |
| 07.02.04 (11:44 am) [edit] |
[i][b]Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis[/b][/i]
Happy birthday to me. I have decided to embrace this birthday. I was feeling down all week, and last night I decided, why not just go along with it. We can't help getting older no matter what, so we should enjoy it. I remember when I was little. I just wanted to grow up and be just like mommy and daddy. Then, I became a teenager and wanted to grow up so that people would stop treating me like a kid. Now that I am an adult why not go with the flow, and take advantage of it? Because getting older is a good thing. When I was little, everything in my life was controlled by someone else. I couldn't have chocolate milk, white was better for me. I couldn't eat ice cream before dinner, that would ruin my appetite. I couldn't play in the rain, that would give me pneumonia. I couldn't stay up past 9 because little girls need their rest. The list goes on and on. Now, I can drink all the chocolate milk I want, or not drink milk at all. I can eat a strawberry sunday not [i]before [/i]dinner, but [i]for[/i] dinner. I can run through the rain at midnight if I want. I can even walk around naked in my kitchen. Although I must admit, my love does not really care for this. He doesn't tell me I can't do this, he just tries to gently remind me that there are no curtains on a few of our windows. Plus my kids are old enough to be bothered by this now, so I have limited my naked wanderings to the times when no one is home. The point is, I really think that the concept of age is mainly in our heads. If you think that 30 is old, then you will act old when you turn 30. If you think that 75 is old, then you will act young and lighthearted until then. It's all about perspective. Some people stay young with exercise, some with healthy eating, and some with plastic surgery. All of those are a little extreme for me, so I will just continue to do what has worked for me so far. I will listen to alt rock, I will eat strawberry sundays for dinner whenever the urge strikes. I will have a Grey Goose martini or 8 whenever the hell I feel like it. And I will share all of this with my love and my girls. Well the girls will have to wait a while for the martinis and my love would much rather have a crown and coke, but you get the idea, I will live life exactly as I was meant to, full of fun and love with a few drinks thrown in just to make it interesting. :wink:
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| J | Joyful | | E | Exquisite | | N | Nerdy | | N | Naive | | L | Luxurious | | U | Unforgettable | | N | Nice | | A | Awkward |
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
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